Why We Undervalue Ourselves, and What It’s Costing Us

Speaking at the Eenterprise Nation Business StartUp Event in London

“Who taught you what you're worth? And what would change if you challenged that story?”

We often talk about confidence like it's a skill: something you can simply build by standing straighter or speaking up more. But our level of confidence is a reflection of something deeper - it's a mirror of what we believe we're worth, deep down.

And most of us? We were taught to shrink.

We inherited scripts that told us to stay quiet, work hard, not ask for too much. We absorbed shame around money, and for many of us - especially women, especially black and brown folk, especially neurodivergent or creative minds - we learned to internalise that the room wasn’t made for us. So we stopped trying to get in.

The number of people I encounter daily who want to do more, be more, take up more space - at home, at work, in creative pursuits - but do not out of fear of something or other is enormous. Most of us want it, but are afraid to go for it.

The rooms I didn’t believe I deserved

"Our brains want to be in sync, so they search for data to confirm our beliefs and reduce cognitive dissonance - reinforcing a cycle of negativity, and staying stuck in safe mediocrity."

There were years of my life when I believed certain spaces weren’t for me - the boardroom, the mainstage, the decision-making table. This meant I sought information that confirmed what I thought - cue the confirmation bias. Our brains want to be in sync, so they search for data to confirm our beliefs and reduce cognitive dissonance - reinforcing a cycle of negativity, and staying stuck in safe mediocrity.

Because I didn’t believe I belonged, I didn’t put effort into getting there.

I didn’t advocate for myself.

I stayed in the background, making myself smaller... even when I had the qualifications and knowledge to lead.

On a practical level:

My voice was heard like a whisper.

I made sure to dress in muted colors, so I wouldn't be noticed.

I didn't share my thoughts or ideas, even when I knew I could solve problems.

Representation is Important.

That began to shift when I started seeing women who looked like me: bold, brilliant and unapologetically themselves. These women took up space, they blended intelligence, fashion, creativity and fierce advocacy - it gave me a new model. I didn’t just see success, I saw permission.

Seeing someone we can relate to doing things we only dream of, without question, helps build the bank of data we have stored in our memory of what is possible for us. When we see enough, a switch is turned on, and thus we have rewired our brain and rewritten an old script.

Only then did I stop lowering my volume.

That’s when I stepped forward and allowed myself to be seen. I started mentoring young Black and Brown women through organisations like WOCGN. I started coaching others one-to-one, guiding them through career shifts, money fears, pricing blocks and shame that never belonged to them in the first place.

Because I knew what it felt like to shrink.

And I wasn’t going to let anyone else stay stuck there.

Our financial identity is rarely ours alone

"If you grew up believing that money is stressful, that asking is rude or that you have to work twice as hard for half as much, you internalise those as facts, not beliefs."

What I’ve learnt, through my own journey and the people I support, is that undervaluing yourself is rarely about a lack of talent or potential. It’s about what Psycho-Cybernetics teaches, the importance of your “self-image ”, the internal picture you hold of who you are and what you deserve - like your internal thermostat for success.

We don’t act based on what we know.

We act based on who we believe we are.

This belief is shaped by upbringing, cultural norms, past experiences, systemic barriers and behavioural reinforcement (as Gabor Maté explores so powerfully).

If you grew up believing that money is stressful, that asking is rude, or that you have to work twice as hard for half as much, you internalise those as facts, not beliefs.

And that’s the real issue, we grip these stories so tightly, we don’t even see them as optional.

Learned helplessness (Seligman, 1967) - a form of chronic disempowerment - kicks in, and we freeze. Even when new opportunities appear, we don’t take them. We’ve been taught not to try.

So, even when the opportunities to shine and take up space come...

You don’t take them.

You don’t price properly.

You don’t speak up.

You don’t ask.

And you wonder why things aren’t moving.

The ripple effect: from the individual to the economy

This isn’t just personal. It’s collective.

When individuals undervalue themselves, organisations lose out - and the economy does too.

Here’s how the undervaluing spiral works:

• You don’t feel confident → so you undercharge or stay silent

• You earn less → so you feel you deserve less

• You stay invisible → and get passed over

• The cycle continues → reinforcing a false belief of inadequacy

But it doesn’t stop with individuals.

In workplaces, undervaluing leads to:

• Missed innovation from underrepresented voices

• Lower employee retention

• Burnout from overgiving

• A leadership pipeline that lacks true diversity

On a macro level, we all lose when people can’t access or express their full value - emotionally, financially or systemically.

This reminds me of the fact that the economy would be $3 trillion times better off if women invested - a wonderful statistic.

Reclaiming your value is a behaviour shift, not just a mindset one

Most financial or confidence advice skips straight to the “how”: price like this, speak like that, ask for this.

But if your internal self-image doesn’t support those actions, you’ll never sustain them.

What’s needed is a full shift in identity and behaviour, and that’s the space I work in.

The financial shadows we carry - fear, shame, over-responsibility, imposter syndrome - are not character flaws. They’re often survival responses learned early, in environments that didn’t make space for our expression or power.

We don’t need to “push through” the discomfort.

We need to understand it, and update the story.

Why I do this work

Krystle leading a workshop at Happy StartUps in Brighton

I’ve been invited to speak in Parliament four times.

I’ve appeared on ITV.

I was chosen out of thousands to work with LinkedIn as part of their Creators Accelerator Programme for my work around neurodiversity and money.

Not because I had the slickest marketing strategy.

But because I speak to what people really feel, and help them shift it, for good.

I help people and systems stop normalising financial shame, silence and struggle.

I help them see the patterns, and then change them.

Through one-to-one coaching, strategic workshops and keynote talks, I support individuals, teams and organisations to do one thing:

Own their value - and stop shrinking around it.

If you take one thing from this…

You can’t build financial confidence on top of shame.

You have to change the internal picture first.

So again I ask:

Who taught you what you’re worth?

And what might change if you challenged that story?

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Hello!

👋🏽 Want to go deeper?

I speak on:

• Financial Confidence & Self-Advocacy

• The Financial Shadows We Carry

• Empathy & Equity in Broken Financial Systems

I also offer coaching, programmes and business training.

Explore My Work