Do You Need to Be Loud to Be Seen?

Speaking at Henley Business School, Reading University - 2025

Why we shrink, what it costs and how to lead (and live) differently.

So many of us stay small. Not because we lack something, but because we were taught to be. Afraid to be seen.

Speak up. Take up space.

I’ve been there. Quietly competent. Playing it safe. But that shrinking builds into resentment, dissatisfaction and missed opportunities. And it doesn’t just hurt your confidence. It affects your income, your influence and how you're perceived.

After six years helping people with their finances, one thing is clear:

Economic resilience isn’t just about money or mindset.

It’s about visibility. Knowing your worth and learning to show it. This article explores why so many of us hold back, what it’s costing us and how we, and the people who lead us, can do things differently.

“Sit Still, Don’t Talk Back” - Cultural Conditioning and Shrinking Ourselves

I grew up in a culture where respect meant silence. Where being polite meant being small. Where you weren’t praised for expressing your ideas, you were praised for not causing trouble.

And that idea doesn’t leave you when you grow up. It follows you into meetings, job interviews and boardrooms. Even into relationships. You shrink to stay safe, to not be "too much". And you may not even realise you’re doing it.

For many Black professionals in the UK, this isn’t just cultural - it’s survival. A 2020 review for Dudley Council found that Black, Asian and minority-ethnic staff were nearly three times as likely to face formal disciplinary investigations compared to white employees (2.46% vs 0.83%). For Black women especially, speaking up can lead to being labelled “difficult” or “aggressive” - leaving little room to find the “right” tone at all.

So what do we do?

We stay quiet. We play it safe. We underplay achievements, hold back questions and second-guess brilliance. All in the name of not rocking the boat.

But the cost? It adds up. And the workplace doesn’t account for it.

“Loud Isn’t the Same as Right” - How Volume Gets Mistaken for Value

In British workplaces, particularly corporate and creative industries, loud confidence is often mistaken for competence. People tend to perceive those who speak early and often as more competent, regardless of the quality of what they say. The effect? The loudest voices get the airtime, the opportunities and the credit.

Meanwhile, those who reflect first, those who need time to process or those who speak more softly - even when their contributions are stronger - often go unnoticed.

Now add to this mix:

• Cultural conditioning to defer and downplay

• Neurodivergence (diagnosed or not)

• Gendered expectations around assertiveness

• A work culture that rewards quick thinkers over deep ones
  

And you’ve got a system that’s not only biased, it’s broken.

The Risk of Being “Too Much”

I remember the first time I spoke up with a proactive idea - not just a report, not just a summary, but a real suggestion. I had noticed ways the company could improve profitability. It wasn’t just a hunch, I had the data, patterns and insight that came from years of sitting at the financial crossroads of the business.

For once, I decided not to keep it to myself.

But instead of being welcomed, the idea was met with silence. Then rejection. And weeks later, an external consultant was brought in, hired to do exactly what I had proposed. I still remember the moment, sitting in a meeting with one of the consultants, who lit up when I offered a tip on how they could access hidden profit opportunities. “That’s exactly the kind of thinking we need.” he said.

I wasn’t invited to another meeting after that. This is a true story.

Have your suggestions or ideas been rejected like this before?

• Yes, they have, and it is very painful.
• Yes, but I am used to it.
• No, never!

🧠 Your brain registers social rejection as physical pain. - Lieberman & Eisenberger, 2003

What I felt wasn’t just frustration. It was something deeper: fear. Fear that I’d overstepped. That I’d made myself too visible. That sharing ideas, especially as someone who had stayed behind the scenes, meant putting myself in the line of fire.

This fear isn’t imagined. Many of us have learned, through subtle slights and louder silences, that being seen comes with consequences. Especially when we’ve been conditioned to play small.

“Value is not what you know. It’s what others know because of you.” - Dr. Nilofer Merchant, author of Onlyness

So, What Do We Do About It?

Whether you’re someone trying to show up more or a leader trying to create space for others, here are some shifts that can make the invisible visible.

If You’re Learning to Take Up Space:

1. Practise Low-Stakes Boldness

Start with:

• Sending the email and suggesting how something could be improved

• Correcting your coffee order

• Interacting first in a Zoom room, either spoken or written
  

These aren’t small. They’re retraining your nervous system to believe: “My needs matter. My voice matters.”

2. Articulate Your Value

Don’t just say what you do. Say what you create.

• What results have I helped deliver?

• What changed because I was involved?

• What would it cost someone not to have me?

3. Speak Before You’re Ready

You don’t need to be perfect.

You just need to be present.

And that takes practice.

If You Lead a Team - Read This Twice:

1. Change How You Measure Participation

• Not everyone processes or communicates the same way

• Make space for written reflections, asynchronous contributions, visuals

• Don’t equate silence with disengagement

2. Rethink What Leadership “Looks Like”

• Value calm clarity, not just charisma

• Reward deep thinking, not just quick responses

• Amplify the contributions of those whose voices don’t dominate naturally

  
  

3. Create Psychological Safety

Ask:

• “What do you need to feel safe to share your ideas?”

• “Is there anything in this environment that makes contribution hard?”

• “Whose voice haven’t we heard today - and how can we make space for it?”

Final Reflection

I used to be the quiet one. The safe one. The one behind the scenes with the spreadsheet and the answers no one asked for.

Now I speak. On stages. On panels. On TV. At the Bank of England. On the Parliamentary Estate.

I coach others to do the same. Not to become someone else, but to finally become themselves.

If you’re reading this and thinking “That sounds like me.”, you’re not alone. And you’re not wrong for being quiet. But don’t let the world miss what you bring - just because you were taught to dim. If you haven't already, sign up for my newsletter, where I speak on this, share tips and guidance and help you take up space and improve economic resilience.

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I speak on:

• Financial Confidence & Self-Advocacy

• The Financial Shadows We Carry

• Empathy & Equity in Broken Financial Systems

I also offer coaching, programmes and business training.

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