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The Hidden Forces Shaping Your Finances
- Krystle McGilvery
- Jul 31
- 5 min read
You Are Not Bad With Money
Let’s get one thing clear:
You are not bad with money. You’ve likely been carrying too much, with too little support, inside systems that were not built for your full life.
Most financial education skips straight to budgeting tips or savings targets. But if you feel stuck, inconsistent or ashamed about money, it’s not because you missed a class on compound interest.
It’s because we haven’t talked enough about the systems, structures and stories that shape our money beliefs before we ever get a payslip.
Let's say that again, shall we?
It’s because we haven’t talked enough about the systems, structures and stories that shape our money beliefs before we ever get a payslip.
This article is for anyone who has ever asked:
Why do I freeze when I look at my bank balance?
Why can’t I stick to a budget even though I know what to do?
Why do I feel so far behind, no matter how hard I work?
If any of that resonates, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken.
Let’s unpack what actually impacts money confidence - and what you can do about it.
Your Economic Environment at Birth
The economy you were born into shaped your financial worldview long before you opened a bank account.
Those born during prosperous times often take more financial risks. Those born in recessions tend to be more cautious.
It’s not just about what your family had.
It’s what society believed was possible.
Your access to quality education, jobs and safety nets was shaped by that moment in history. So if you’re comparing your financial timeline to someone who started with more options, you’re comparing apples to oranges.
📚 Suggested Read: Poor Economics by Abhijit V. Banerjee
Your Money Story: What You Inherited
(Even If They Never Said It)
Most of us inherit money beliefs before we ever handle cash. The stories your caregivers told - or didn’t tell - about money, work and worthiness live inside your financial behaviours.
Did you grow up hearing "We can't afford that." or "Money doesn't grow on trees."? Or maybe money was never discussed, but always caused stress.
Whether you absorbed scarcity, avoidance, hyper-independence or a belief that you’re supposed to struggle, these stories can still be running the show.
Recognising them is the first step to rewriting them.
Systemic Inequalities You Didn't Create
Money doesn't exist in a vacuum.
Inequities around race, gender, class and neurodiversity show up in our bank accounts and career paths.
The gender pay gap in the UK is a problem.
Neurodivergent adults are more likely to face income volatility and employment gaps.
One in five people from ethnic majority backgrounds report experiencing discrimination from financial providers.
If you’ve ever felt like financial advice doesn’t apply to you, that might be because it wasn’t written for your context. That’s not your failure. That’s the system asking you to adapt to something that never considered your full self.
The Influence of Marketing, Culture and Urgency
We’re constantly being sold to.
Not just products, but ideals: success, status, security.
Marketing preys on psychological triggers like urgency ("Sale ends today!"), scarcity ("Only three left!") or shame ("Look more successful with this upgrade!").
And if you’ve ever spent money you didn’t have to feel included, attractive or "doing well"? You’re not alone.
Understanding these external influences builds financial resilience without self-blame.
It’s Not Just What You Know, It’s What You Feel Safe Doing
Information alone doesn’t change behaviour. Safety does.
You could know all the financial tools in the world, but if your nervous system is triggered when you open a bill, or if money conversations bring up fear and shame, you won’t use those tools consistently.
This is why emotional regulation, trauma awareness and self-compassion must be part of any financial education.
Confidence doesn’t mean knowing everything. It means feeling safe to make decisions, take up space and recover from mistakes.
So What Can You Do?
Here are a few small actions to start restoring your confidence:
➡️ Map Your Money Messages
List three beliefs about money you inherited growing up.
For each one, ask: Whose voice is this? Do I still want to carry it?
Use this insight as a reminder that your current unhelpful thoughts about money aren't necessarily yours to carry, and it is simply a matter of reframing and reprogramming so you think and do differently.
➡️ Interrupt Shame With Truth
Next time you feel ashamed about a financial choice, try this:
"What else was going on in my life when I made that choice? What need was I trying to meet?"
Use this as a method of humanising your financial choices. We are emotional beings, and that emotion sits beneath all of our decisions. Be gentle on yourself.
➡️ Start a Weekly Money Check-In
Even ten minutes counts. Light a candle, look at your bank balance, name how it makes you feel, and do one thing (like transferring £5 to savings).
You'll build financial resilience by looking at your finances, committing to a positive action and doing good for yourself.
➡️ Talk About Money (With the Right People)
Start a conversation with a friend or partner about how your upbringing shaped your beliefs. Don’t give advice, just share stories.
Find someone you trust, who won't judge, who instead will listen gently and allow you to have the space to explore.
➡️ Be Generous With Yourself
You’re doing something many people never get the chance to: pausing to reflect. That’s the foundation of real change.
Summary
This isn’t about being "bad" with money. It’s about recognising that most of us have been handed stories, systems and expectations that were never designed with our full selves in mind. We’ve internalised shame for what was never ours to carry - and called it personal failure.
But what if the real shift begins with understanding? Choosing to see your patterns not as flaws, but as adaptations to a world that didn’t always give you the tools, safety or context you needed? You’re not broken. You’re becoming more aware. And that awareness, even if it’s messy, is a powerful beginning. Change doesn’t start with perfect plans. It starts with small moments of clarity, self-trust and care.
You’re not behind. You’re right on time. Keep going.
What can you do now?
Join my free 7-Day Money Reset (simple, fun and transformational!)
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Get in touch to learn more about coaching
Hello!
👋🏽 Want to go deeper?
I speak on:
Financial Confidence & Self-Advocacy
The Financial Shadows We Carry
Empathy & Equity in Broken Financial Systems
I also offer coaching, programmes and business training.
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